How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen by David Brooks

BATB score: 8/10 👏

*reader discretion advised* this is not a book, this is a white paper research on how homo sapiens can better communicate with other homo sapiens

*advanced reading level required* there are some very good chapters and some very meh chapters; the long, various his/her/their anecdotes makes it boring at times

Best as: very well-researched, extremely academic, theoretical dump, nerdy read

Best for: Yuval Noah Harari would love this book as it is advocating for back to basic face-to-face verbal communication, active listening, and human empathy for one another

Best to: many practical concepts

Better questions to ask to get deeper with someone:

“What crossroads are you at?”

“What’s working really well in your life?”

“If you died tonight, what would you regret not doing?”

“If we meet a year from now, what will we be celebrating?”

“Have you ever been solitary without feeling lonely?”

“What has become clearer to you as you have aged?”

Ask people to tell you their stories

Best quotes: “The greatest thing a person does is to take the lessons of life, the hard knocks of life, the surprises of life, and the mundane realities of life and refine their own consciousness so that they can gradually come to see the world with more understanding, more wisdom, more humanity, and more grace.”

“Our schools and other institutions have focused more and more on preparing people for their careers, but not on the skills of being considerate toward the person next to you.”

“The worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them but to be indifferent to them: that’s the essence of inhumanity. To do that is to say: You don’t matter. You don’t exist.”

“Four types of inner voices: the Faithful Friend (who tells you about your personal strengths), the Ambivalent Parent (who offers caring criticism), the Proud Rival (who badgers you to be more successful), and the Helpless Child (who has a lot of self-pity).”